


Washing Away the Char

by ilyena_sylph, Merfilly



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Background Relationships, Canon-Typical Violence, Consensual Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 11:16:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9488657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilyena_sylph/pseuds/ilyena_sylph, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merfilly/pseuds/Merfilly
Summary: After leaving Padmé, Anakin starts finding ways his mind might not be alright. In learning the temptations of Obi-Wan toward the Darkness, Anakin does something about that. After they commit fully to one another without any drugs forcing them in their lovemaking.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Ventress Likes to Play with Fire](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6876451) by [ilyena_sylph](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilyena_sylph/pseuds/ilyena_sylph), [Merfilly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merfilly/pseuds/Merfilly). 



She couldn't breathe, and the fire burned in her veins still from the crackling energy. 

"You have failed me for the last time, Ventress," Dooku growled, the pressure on her throat tightening, as she desperately reached for her Nightsister lore to find some protection against the impending death he was promising her.

Would it be so bad to die? 

Would Ky accept her, with all she had done since losing him?

That intrusive thought, more than any other, pushed her to lock her will around a simple trick, one that she would have to pray would work, because she knew beyond the shadow of a doubt Ky would reject her as she was, once she found him in the afterlife.

Yes, she had failed to capture Kenobi, had failed to snare him even long enough for the simple task she had wished of him. Let Dooku seemingly kill her now, and that association would be severed for good.

After… if her trick worked… she could see to making something different out of herself. She would hate having the gundark as an inspiration, but if Obi-Wan Kenobi had survived, it was because his padawan had taken selfless steps to see to it.

Anakin Skywalker had proven his devotion to his master in ways that Asajj Ventress had completely failed for her true master, and that did not set well with her at all.

+++

Anakin had only let himself stay through the night, making himself get up with the dawn -- he loathed leaving Padmé's side, always -- because he'd left his padawan alone too long already. She'd gotten up with him, shared the exorbitantly luxurious refresher with him, and fussed until he ate something, then said goodbye to Artoo and let them go. It never got any easier to leave her, at all, but he had Ahsoka to get back to, his men to get back to, and that was... reason enough. The early morning gave him easy passage back out of the complex, and back to the Aethersprite without any encounters that would be difficult later. He lifted back into the black, chatted with the garrison as they released his jump ring, and it was easy enough to put himself back into hyperspace. It wrapped around him and the ship almost like another lover, familiar and beautiful, and he leaned back in his seat, looking half-up, half-out, and tried to figure out how he was really feeling about the last couple of days. 

Mostly, he decided, euphoric -- if still more than slightly homicidal about Ventress. That she'd attacked his Master like that, would have violated him like that... well. He appreciated Padmé's plans in that direction very much, and had several of his own. But past her... he loved both of them so much, so desperately, and that they both loved him in return was almost more than he could really understand. That they both accepted his loving the other, in addition, was just incredible. "...how did I get so lucky, Artoo?" 

[The Force?] Artoo answered, half unsure, because sometimes humans asked questions that weren't meant to be answered. Togrutas apparently did it too, sometimes even more often than humans, if Snips was a proper statistical set.

Anakin laughed for a moment, the tentative edge in Artoo's voice almost as steadying as the answer. Because Artoo did have a point, very definitely. "Yeah, I guess so," he agreed, still watching the streaks of hyperspace around them. 

He had an eighteen-hour jump ahead of him, maybe he should try to rest, but he had actually spent part of the night asleep in his wife's arms, and was wide awake from it. His mouth curved in a smile at the thought, unbidden and impossible to stop... and he didn't have to try to hide her from Obi-Wan any more. Of all the things he would never have expected, that ranked almost highest, and the relief of it was a wild flutter in his chest. 

He didn't have to hide her from his Master, not now or ever again. 

Maybe the other thing would stay deeply buried, with that to share. Obi-Wan might fully accept that the distance and surly attitude was solely over hiding his relationship, and not pry at the darker shadows Anakin still felt over so many of his actions. As much as Anakin wanted to know what Obi-Wan had been thinking, denying him the chance to protect his mother, he knew no amount of love could protect him from Obi-Wan's wrath over that lapse in being a true Jedi.

He frowned, wondering why, in the midst of all his joy, he had that memory riding high in his mind. It shouldn't be there, shouldn't be impacting this amazing moment of being able to share love with both his master and his wife. He pushed the fingers of one hand through his hair, unsettled by the sudden invasion of those memories, and took a slow breath, trying to steady his mind. 

This wasn't the first time he'd had something good, something making him so happy, interrupted almost violently by his own mind, been suddenly reminded of things he would rather not have thought of show up... and generally, one or the other was very much to do with Obi-Wan. Something about that wasn't natural, or normal, and having that tendency rear its head again, now, bothered him. There was little enough to rejoice in, in this war -- and this was so very worth it -- why couldn't he let himself just be happy for a little while? 

And also... he wasn't as certain of his Master's reactions as that first thought had been, not when Obi-Wan knew the grip of that heart-crushing fear so clearly, when he loved so deeply, fought so hard. His Master had passions that ran deep, that he struggled with, and Obi-Wan's love wasn't so easily broken as that. 

[Pilot? Are you functional?] Artoo asked. It wasn't like Anakin to just drop a conversation.

Anakin blinked, dragging himself back up out of his thoughts, pushing the Force back against the sheathing of the ship to pet over Artoo gently. "Sorry, Artoo. Got lost in my own thoughts. How was Threepio?" 

[Complaining. So very good!] Artoo said with a hint of humor. [Good visit with my Senator?] he asked, having slowly gotten the hang of making conversation about the interfacing of humans in ways that didn't make his pilot blush or yelp.

" _Very_ ," Anakin replied, feeling the smile stretch over his lips again. "And yeah, that sounds like Threepio. Pretty sure I didn't design him that way, but... he's how he is, and that's fine." 

[Yes. Good Threepio. Best partner.] Artoo was smug and happy about his partner. [Go home, see Snips… more fighting. But better, for visiting them, yes?]

"Much better," Anakin agreed, brushing Artoo with the Force again, light and gentle. Better for seeing her, for her absolution and love -- and better for seeing Obi-Wan, too, no matter how bad the circumstances had been. And pretty soon he'd be back to the _Resolute_ , home now as much as the Temple was -- more, the _Resolute_ had his men, people that trusted him as completely as the Order never had or would -- and be back with his padawan. Yeah, it didn't get much better than spending time in close order with all three of them. 

+++

Obi-Wan was carefully detached and clearly his usual self as the 501st arrived to join his 212th for joint operations. He did not let his eyes linger too long on Anakin, nor act as if anything had changed, delivering his briefing with the same dry wit and pointed barbs for his padawan's antics as usual.

He couldn't stop being nervous on the inside, though, as he was too aware of the younger man and all that really had changed.

Unless Anakin had decided differently? Had his wife objected?

Doubts gnawed on him, though none of it showed as he gave both Commanders and the Captain their tasks in the upcoming offensive. He dismissed them all to get their troops divided and ready, pretending not to pay attention to whether Anakin stayed to speak privately.

Anakin sent Ahsoka out with Rex, unsure if he was on edge or relieved that his Master was acting like everything was fine, everything was the same as ever. Showing anything in front of Rex, who had no idea, would just make things awkward... and at least Cody wasn't glaring at him as though he wanted to take his head off, so Obi-Wan had to be at least mostly okay. 

The door sealed behind them, and Anakin took a breath, turning towards his Master and reaching out along the Force -- he hit the gnawing doubt, the edge of fear, coming from his Master, brother, lover -- and before he'd decided to move he had his left arm slung behind Obi-Wan's back, pulling him in closer. 

Obi-Wan sighed contently, letting go of the doubt and worry, turning and tucking in along the taller body of his beloved padawan-no-longer.

"She is at peace with you and I exploring who we are?" he asked, just to confirm it all.

"Yes," Anakin answered, feeling his Master relax against him, that quietly content sigh soaking into his own nerves and taking them away, his hand settling onto Obi-Wan's hip to hold on a little tighter. "She is. She's..." 

He shook his head, laughing softly because he never could find words for how joyous she made him, how much her understanding could steady him where nothing else could. "Well, she's worried about you, but... this? Us? She's very happy." 

"Well, that makes me quite relieved to hear, Anakin." That said, Obi-Wan tipped his face up to steal a kiss that was intent and passionate. He moved his hands into Anakin's mane of hair to hold on, licking into his mouth with lazy intent, enjoying this guilt-free kiss.

He should have known his Master would do anything he chose to thoroughly and completely, Anakin thought at his own ridiculous surprise -- but even surprised, he answered that kiss instantly, dipping his head a little. His other hand settled onto his lover's shoulder, the mix of lazy and intent that was his Master's mind and touch sliding straight through his veins and waking heat. He hummed softly, luxuriating in it, letting his shields slip enough for his Master to feel his pleasure, his want, his delight... and his fascination at the differences. The touch of beard and mustache against his mouth and chin were still very strange to him, but he liked it, because it was his Master, his Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan shared his own wishes for more time, more privacy with a tinge of regret that anything truly intense would need to wait. He did not stop kissing Anakin though, letting their bodies push together, soaking in the contact as hungrily as a thirsty man in a desert took in water.

~Yours, Anakin.~

Anakin shivered at the impressions, the want, the hunger/regret brushing along his mind, and held him in close, deepening the kiss, tasting his Master. Then there was that, his Master's steady mental voice saying he was his, and he latched on tighter yet, clinging. ~Mine..? Mine.~ 

They couldn't do anything but this, they had a fight to win, work to do, but oh, he wanted. Wanted to do so much more... to learn what his Master truly liked, wanted, how he touched when there was nothing driving him... 

~Soon, my heart's love,~ Obi-Wan promised him, opening to the kiss, giving ground and letting Anakin have the control of it. He hummed slightly into the kiss, pure contentment and love in the sound and feel of his mind.

~I love you,~ Anakin answered, shifting his grip so that he could get his hand up into his Master's hair -- given the way Obi-Wan felt, it seemed right -- and hold him in place. He couldn't actually kiss him any deeper than he already was, couldn't get any closer without both of them losing clothing, but... he could thread fingers through his hair and wrap him in how desperately, how much, he loved him, needed him. 

~I know,~ Obi-Wan answered that, before he slowly drew them out of the kiss, a smile lighting on his lips that was easy and full, reaching his eyes. "I'm certain my Commander will not be averse to sharing quarters with your Captain for a day or two, after this wraps up," he invited. "While our men recover, of course."

Anakin hadn't been able to keep back the whine as his Master pulled back, pulled away -- but that soft smile, the easy way it lit up his eyes and face with pleasure and love soothed away some of the instant tension -- and then the words made him blink, his head tilting slowly. He'd been reassured that Cody was steady, since if Obi-Wan had been having trouble, Cody would've been on edge, but that phrasing nipped at the back of his mind. 

He remembered Helix, unable to tell him anything about _someone_ on the ship his Master was with, recalled Obi-Wan so, so familiar with another man's body, and just for a moment actual shock slammed through him. He was well aware Cody and Rex spent their off-time together, but that hadn't been just about letting them be together, it was -- 

\-- for a heartbeat, sharp protection of Cody flashed across his mind, tensed his back with an edge of heat, but... this was _his_ Master, his Obi-Wan, who would never press his attentions where they weren't entirely wanted, and he relaxed just as quickly. "...Cody, huh?" 

"He didn't give me much choice, to be honest," Obi-Wan said with a soft smile. "About three months in, he braced me over certain behaviors I was exhibiting. And made it clear that rank had no place in a berth.

"It was only supposed to be a way to keep sane, for both of us. He's not as much a stickler for fraternization as your captain, but he's very picky over partners. Somewhere along the way… it got to be more than sanity-keeping. And yes, I still have panic attacks over having recognized that fact, but to be perfectly honest, neither of us has that great a life-span expectancy at this point." Obi-Wan sighed softly. "I take it by your surprise, you and Rex are not?"

Only that soft, affectionate smile and the rest of the words kept Anakin's temper from fraying at the 'didn't give me much choice', but the open affection had soothed him down before it could even get started. The 'rank had no place in a berth' made his mouth quirk, wry and affectionate -- he'd seen that in the 501st, the way partnerships formed and broke regardless of the chain of command and with very little effect on it. He frowned at that 'still have panic attacks', concerned over his Master in whole new ways (how had he _missed_ that pain and trauma ran this deep in his Master, how had he not known to help, to take care of him?), his fingers flexing gently in Obi-Wan's hair, quick gentle stroke. He didn't like that comment about life expectancy, at all, especially not when coupled with his Master's obvious and deep affection for Cody, but... what was there to say about it? Jedi and brothers died every day, nearly every hour, and nobody out-ran death forever. 

Before he fell into those thoughts, the ones that ripped at him in the night, Obi-Wan said that last, and he stared at his Master in complete and utter shock, along with a little dismay and even more confusion. "I -- what?!" 

Obi-Wan even had to _ask_?!

"I don't mean sex, Anakin. That is obvious, given the way you are so wrapped into Padmé," Obi-Wan said patiently. "I meant the intimacy. The… particular level of connection that seems to evolve between Jedi and their commanders, in many cases.

"Of course, your Captain was not actually engineered for command, from what Cody has said, so perhaps that trait is not as dominant for him. I've seen it in so many other command pairs, and you and Rex do work so well together, that I presumed you'd found it," Obi-Wan finished.

Anakin hummed softly, thinking, and finally shrugged one shoulder slightly. "I don't know? I mean, I think we're fairly close, and he'll certainly tell me when he thinks I'm getting too deep into something, but... he's Rex?" Rex'd taught him more about this kind of fighting than he'd ever thought he'd need to learn, without ever making that obvious, without ever trying to shift him aside. Brother, as close to him as his right hand, shoulder to lean against and partner, but not... 

"Hmm. Well, you two are certainly effective even without that low-level bond," Obi-Wan observed. "It came as a bit of a shock, but I discussed the fact I could almost glimpse Cody's actions before he does them to Plo, and Plo said he's seen it among various others. It's not quite Force sensitivity, but a resonance, instead."

He then, reluctantly, broke away from Anakin with a squeeze to his shoulder. "Let's go start making our appearances, ready for this? We'll have after the fight to talk about other things."

Anakin blinked, startled, and said, "...I think that might be Ahsoka and Rex, actually," before he nodded at the rest. "Yeah, definitely time. No matter how little I like it." 

Obi-Wan tipped his head, considering what he had seen of the Captain and Commander… and nodded. "You may be right. They do have that battlefield synergy, and a way of working off one another in briefings."

They emerged together, and there was an ease between them that immediately calmed the 212th down; their General was not always at his best where Skywalker was concerned, but this looked like one of the good days.

Anakin felt the shift, and leaned into the bond between them to say, mostly-mildly, ~You'd think they don't like me, or something...~ 

~It's not that they don't like you, my heart, but they are too aware of Cody and too aware of me not to have picked up on the stress between you and I,~ Obi-Wan said. ~A stress that is no longer there, because we are better. No matter the cause of salvation for our relationship.~

The pet-name, the affectionate love in his brother's mind soothed Anakin away from the edge of unease, and he relaxed again. ~So we are,~ he said, ~so we are.~ 

He firmly shoved down the knowledge that they weren't entirely, ignoring it, luxuriating in the wrap of his Master's mind, before he let go again. 

Obi-Wan moved briskly into settling his troops for the coming fight, never once shutting down the link entirely. Having chosen to accept Padmé's decision, he wasn't hiding any more from Anakin… as evidenced by how easily he had admitted to his panic attacks over Cody.

+++

Obi-Wan had not been handling the aftermath of the fighting well, but only Anakin really knew that. The intel had been slightly wrong, and the brunt of that error had fallen on Cody's division and Ahsoka's supporting company.

Both Obi-Wan and Anakin had been in medical very late, soothing injuries, soothing the survivors. Ahsoka had been stoic in that way that Anakin knew not to push, not right now, and he'd reluctantly allowed her to return to the _Resolute_ with Rex, hoping he was right and she'd be better for the company of her men than any awkward platitudes he could share with her.

Now, in the deepest part of ship night, Anakin was vaguely aware of his master's unease beside him, a growing darkness in the bond that had Obi-Wan clenching his fists in the sheets.

He came fully awake at that, lying curled beside his lover -- though they'd both been too tired and too heartsick to do anything about what they'd been promising each other before -- and reached with the Force to turn on just a glimmer of light, the one farthest from them, before he whispered his Master's name. "Obi-Wan," soft, steady, "come away." 

Obi-Wan, having nightmares? He'd never expected that, even with the admission of the panic-attacks…

Obi-Wan whimpered, but it was not in response to him, to the light, or anything outside of the confines of his mind. Anakin caught a flash of crimson and black, felt shadows pressing in, the touch of that hollow emptiness he'd known after his mother's death…

… and he felt Obi-Wan's mind spinning in darkness, tempted to follow the easy path, to reach into the murderous temptation and end it all with his deadlier skills. 

Shock pounded up in him, but he held it inside his own mind with every trick he'd learned to keep his rage from polluting their bond, from showing itself and making his Master reject him the way he'd threatened to, and he had to take a long several moments just to breathe, to try to understand what he had picked up. **Obi-Wan** knew what that was like? Knew the temptation and the ease of it, the hollow ache and the horror...? 

Why? How? Anakin shook his head, breathing again, the flicker of Maul's visage half an explanation, but he'd -- he hadn't even -- 

Dear sweet Force, what was he thinking?! Here he was, wrestling with his own emotions, when his Master was whimpering in hurt and horror. "Master," he said more firmly, "come back to me." 

Obi-Wan's hands spasmed on the sheets, before his eyes snapped open. He wasn't truly aware yet -- Anakin could feel that -- but he was awake, reaching desperately for a breathing exercise to calm the ragged breathing. He was fighting to not reject the presence near him, a fight he was able to win because he had grown accustomed to having help through this.

It just wasn't normally Anakin.

Slowly, he managed to turn his head, to let go of the sheets completely, and just look at Anakin. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I did not realize they would be so close tonight."

"Shh," Anakin answered, shaking his head, trying to brush affection and reassurance along the bond between them, "shh, Obi-Wan, it's okay." He settled back down, deliberately sprawling out on his back, and tugged at his Master with his left hand, trying to get him to come to him, to come be closer, to let him do the soothing, for once. "I'm here." 

Obi-Wan moved after a moment, tucking his head in along Anakin's shoulder, one thigh over his legs, growing quiet as he let this intimacy soothe his issues back down. He hated those dreams, the ones that reminded him of stepping over the line that one time, reminding him of his helplessness… and how close he had come to breaking again because of Maul, over Satine. 

Anakin wrapped his arms around his Master, pressing a kiss against his hair, as he luxuriated in the feeling of Obi-Wan so close, of his Master letting him be the strong one, letting him comfort him. He kissed his hair again, fingers petting gently, as he finally pulled himself under control enough to open his defenses again, let Obi-Wan truly feel him again. That that meant feeling Obi-Wan more clearly, feeling the way his Master felt so... haunted... only gave him a little more to think on later. Right now, he needed to be right here, in this moment, steadying his beloved Master and brother. "That felt... rough," he murmured softly, sympathy and an offer to listen if he wanted to talk alike. 

Obi-Wan closed his eyes. "It was. It always is, has been… and this war makes it so much worse, giving it so much fuel." He splayed a hand over Anakin's chest, letting that one more bit of contact soothe him. "You'd think I'd eventually get better at dealing with it."

Anakin made a darkly disagreeing noise -- if there was one thing this war _wasn't_ doing, it was giving them time to make _anything_ easier to deal with. Especially anything like what he'd felt from his Master in those nightmares, that temptation he had never realized Obi-Wan had any comprehension of, had ever even been within parsecs of... it certainly wasn't making it any easier for him not to slide back into doing things the fast way. The only thing that was helping with _that_ was Ahsoka. He had to be better than that, for her. 

"With everything you've been through, Master?" 

"Practice makes perfect?" Obi-Wan said with dark humor in his voice. "I am sorry I woke you." He traced a faint scar on Anakin's chest, as he tipped his head a little to look at his lover. "I don't usually go back to sleep from those. Do you want me to let you rest?"

Anakin leaned into that touch, even as he shook his head. "I'm not. Sorry you woke me, I mean. I'm glad I was here. I can sleep in hyperspace tomorrow. I -- I 'd rather be awake with you, since we already are." 

Obi-Wan gave a small smile, before he leaned up on his elbow, enough to allow him to steal a kiss from Anakin. He didn't let it go too long, pulling back to see if Anakin was interested in being distracted by physical comforts.

Anakin had watched Obi-Wan lean up, knowing a smile was starting on his lips even before his Master's met his, and he kissed him back, even light as it was. He hadn't really realized he'd closed his eyes, but when his Master pulled back, he had to open them again to chase him, pushing up enough to do that and tipping his head to turn this kiss into a deeper one. Why had he pulled back at all? 

That got a faint smirk, before Obi-Wan shifted completely on the bed, bringing him over Anakin's long body, thigh between his lover's. This time the kiss was as sensuous as he could bring to bear, letting his hips flex ever so slightly along Anakin's.

~Love.~

It wasn't that much of a shift, Obi-Wan had already been half-draped over him, but his hips and thighs shifted in response to the pressure and weight, to the fact of his Master's body on his own, holding him to the bed... and that slow, deliberate, passionate kiss was almost enough to pull a moan out of his mouth. Obi-Wan kissed him like it was a promise, and he was so much more than glad to kiss him back. That whisper against his mind, his Master's love, had him wrapping both arms up around him to hold on, ~Yes... yes. Love you...~

The elder man took his time exploring Anakin's mouth, moving in an easy, gentle rhythm to bring them both toward full arousal, knowing that, short of an attack, they had the time to take it slow. He was using one arm to brace up, the other slipping under Anakin's neck.

Anakin felt that intent, the quiet determination to take this slow, let it last and linger, and he shifted into arm under his neck, delight bubbling up in him, bright flickers mingled with the deep, hungry want Obi-Wan's kiss and the shifts of his body were waking. He picked up those shifts, matched them, as he did everything he could to match that kiss, to give back the pleasure his Master was giving him. He loved kissing, tasting his partner's mouth, trading breath between them... 

~Yes.~ Obi-Wan closed his eyes, falling into just the touch, the kiss, and Anakin's presence. Nothing else mattered in this moment except Anakin… and he let his younger lover feel that.

Having his Master's undivided attention, all of that strength of will and deep-buried passion focused on him -- Anakin shuddered under his lover's weight, hip and thigh rocking up sharp under his hardening length (and that, that was a thrill of it's own, that he could rouse Obi-Wan's body so) as he wrapped his arms around him a little tighter, licking playful and light into the kiss for a moment. 

Obi-Wan gave a low moan, breaking the kiss to give his throat over to Anakin's lips, even as he rocked with Anakin's motion. "Stars, but you feel amazing," he said softly. "Tell me what you want?"

That line of his Master's throat demanded kisses, demanded his mouth, and he let himself do exactly that, licking and sucking lightly, tasting Obi-Wan's skin, re-learning that, while he willingly moved just like that again. The honest question, low and hungry, had him shivering, and his hands slid down to his Master's hips to hold him. What he wanted? He _wanted_ anything, everything, as long as he kept his Master's focus, as long as that love and praise and pleasure stayed, he'd do anything, take anything... or give anything. ~You, Master,~ he answered across the bond, because his mouth was entirely busy, ~but maybe the question is... how pushy do you want me to be?~ 

That question got an all-over body shiver from Obi-Wan. He gasped softly as Anakin's mouth wreaked havoc on his nerves, as he moved his hand from the back of Anakin's neck to his shoulder.

~As pushy as you can be?~ he invited.

Anakin took a startled breath against his Master's skin, more than a little grateful he was already pinned flat in the bed -- because that answer, the half-request, half-plea, was... not really anything he'd expected. He licked the skin under his mouth, hunger raking claws down his back, as he hauled the surprised shock down under his control and let the hunger and want pour up through him instead. He could give his Master that, could take over and take Obi-Wan's control and composure away (Force, as though that -- if not like this! -- hadn't been a desperate desire of his for well over a decade?) if it was what his Master wanted. He reached for the Force for a moment, then rolled them, putting Obi-Wan flat on his back and pinning him down in the bed, bracing on his elbows as he rocked down against the warm, open, willing body under his. 

~Mine,~ he told him, as he left one side of his lover's throat for the other, leaving quick intent licks there. 

~Yours, Anakin.~ Obi-Wan had to catch his breath in delight at being flipped, and then those licks undid him completely. "Yes," he breathed out, committing himself fully to Anakin's wishes.

That answer, the flare of delight that washed over his mind, heated Anakin's blood as much or more than the pressure against his cock, and he nipped at his throat this time -- light, but intent, not enough to mark, but enough to sting -- before he got his durasteel elbow braced hard on the bed so that his own hand was free. Free to slide along his lover's shoulder, to pet down over one broad, solid pectoral (such a different feel than he was used to, but good, so good) and enjoy the open want, the incredible, euphoric feel of his Master's _surrender_... "I've got you," he said, against his throat, "my Obi-Wan." 

"Yours," Obi-Wan repeated aloud. "My heart." He arched into the touch, mouth opening a little with a near-silent moan. "Anything you wish of me, it is yours." He rolled his hips enticingly, teasing in the way it added to the friction between them.

" _Force_ ," Anakin half-swore, half-moaned, body picking up and echoing that shift, enough of his blood abandoning his brain that it was difficult to think for a moment... but he could still think, and he made himself, lifting his head to grin down at his lover. "Right now I'm planning on finding every spot I can that makes you crazy, oh my Master," he said, watching Obi-Wan's face. 

Blue eyes went smoky dark in the lighting they had, while a sliver of a tongue showed, licking lips briefly. "I think you'll find all of them fairly easily, my heart," Obi-Wan answered once he could work around the hitch in his breathing. "As I desire you, your touch, your lips, your body in all ways against my own."

How exactly was he supposed to concentrate when his Master looked like that, when he said things like that, with that softly cultured Coruscanti accent gone deep and rich with the desire he could feel in the Force as much as against his body? Anakin took a slow breath and kissed him, hard this time, deep and deliberate, while his hand mapped hard muscle and faded scars, while his body pressed close and fed his need for contact with all of the skin -- and some annoying cloth -- against his own. He had to have this, have him... 

~Whenever we can,~ Obi-Wan promised that last feeling, before deliberately moving his hands up above his head, making the offer even more clear as a surrender of self and volition. His lips were pliant, though his tongue quested along Anakin's, desire building strongly as the kiss played against primal needs.

Anakin shuddered, body rocking down against his Master's as that shift, as his lover deliberately took his hands out of play, half-mimic of being restrained for him -- nnn, _Force_ , but that thought was a blaze of heat as sudden as lightning and made of bliss instead of pain -- and he had to break the kiss to gasp for air, hand sliding on his skin and want coiling wild through him. He caught that breath, another, and licked a sharp line down his Master's throat, down to one shoulder. He bit there, licked against it the next moment, before starting to kiss everywhere he could get his mouth to without shifting his body off of his lover's. 

The bite was rewarded with a sharp little cry, hushed only so it would go no further than his quarters. He let Anakin feel the fact he enjoyed wearing the marks of his lovers. Then the kisses were moving all over his skin, and he writhed, hungry and intent, but with an artful quality to seduce Anakin's eye and skin with the motion and touches.

Knowing he could mark (that it was wanted, enjoyed) without risking exposing them, without putting his lover at risk, was another wash of heat, and Anakin bit again, collarbone this time, turning it into intent suction.... The feel of the body under his was so different, harder skin and harder muscle, but the want wrapped around his mind he knew, and learning every difference was exactly what Anakin had had in mind anyway. Those twists under him were honest and planned all at once, as though his Master had to try in the _slightest_ to make him want, make him need to touch him more? Hardly! He couldn't resist it, though, couldn't resist the gift his Master was giving him in the slightest. He found his way to a nipple, cheek rubbing against it before his teeth grazed and then sucked. He enjoyed that when Padmé touched him like that, would his Master? 

The elder man pressed his chest up with an arch of his back, seeking more of that, as he moaned deeply. Keeping his hands above his head, Obi-Wan showed his appreciation of Anakin's body and touches with voice and motion, encouraging, coaxing more of whatever Anakin wished. His mind was wide open, offering the feedback of how he felt directly, a wash of love and desire and trust all in one. 

Anakin almost whimpered in response, the open desire and trust pouring through their link almost more than he could stand, but it was so, so good. He hadn't known he could want so badly, before his angel, and now he wanted his Master just as much. He half lost himself in what he was doing, in learning Obi-Wan's responses to his hand, his mouth, the drag of his teeth on skin and the sounds he gave up. Midway down his Masters ribs, he braced up on both elbows to look at him. 

The sight of his Master, head thrown back, mouth half open on a breath, eyes closed, hands locked together over his head with the muscles in his arms taut, breath coming fast, dark marks on his shoulders and all across his skin -- that was so incredibly gorgeous that it stole his breath, and sent an almost triumphant flare of power through him. This was his, his Master was his, and he pressed against the hard length along his upper abs (Force, Obi-Wan was so hard, and it was just them, this time, just this) to watch that response. 

Obi-Wan whimpered and bucked his hips upward on the press, his body driving his responses, not his mind. It was so easy to lose himself in Anakin, so right, and he wasn't even trying to hold any kind of control. He wanted more touches, wanted Anakin's mouth on him, wanted to taste Anakin's length in his own mouth. All of that pulsed in their bond, flaring hot with all the desire they could share between them.

~More, please?~

~Oh yes,~ Anakin answered, instant, open, whole-hearted promise. How could he do anything else, with that plea? He dipped his head back down, mouth finding the line of a rib, as he let himself sink into Obi-Wan's thoughts of what he wanted in order to learn a little about what he needed to know. He knew he was good with his mouth for a woman, Padmé's responses told him that, but a man... that he didn't know. He wanted to, though, wanted this, wanted to feel his Master come for him again. 

He moved a little more quickly, after that thought, licking down abs that were rock-hard and shaking under his mouth, sliding his body down the bed -- until he hit the end of it and started folding at his knees instead, until his jaw brushed cloth and he had to push up on his right arm to get that the _haran_ out of his way. At least the Force made it easy. 

Sweet Force, his Master was so damned beautiful, and seeing him nude and aroused this time was so good, because it was his, for them, nothing else. His mouth nearly tried to go dry and water all at once, and swallowing only convinced it to the second. His fingers stroked down the inner line of Obi-Wan's hip, through curls as red as his hair, and wrapped light around his length. 

"Ohhhhh…." The long exhalation was less intent and more wonder as being held by his lover sent a pulse of heat straight to the core of him. Obi-Wan went limp into the covers of the bed, hips stilling at the whisper of intentions from Anakin. Instead, he plied his lover with images of how beautiful he found Anakin to be. There was a deep appreciation of that beauty, as well as anticipation of what would come next in their explorations.

Anakin shivered at the images of himself -- was that really what he looked like, from other eyes? -- and all of his Master's appreciation for him, when he still didn't see it, was nearly enough to make him just go wrap back around Obi-Wan and cling, but kriff it, he had a plan here (or at least a very strong set of impulses, and that was pretty much the same thing, right?). His Master being adoring at him (him, really?) was not going to change that, not right now. He rearranged his weight and dipped his head, breathing in Obi-Wan's scent with a quiet, soft noise, fingers curling around the base the way Padmé held him, before he pressed a kiss to so-wet skin, then licked. 

"Oh, Anakin," Obi-Wan breathed out, still perfectly still, save the jump in his cock at the lick. "Yes, please, my heart… more of that." Torn between watching Anakin explore his body and wanting to let his head fall back, the elder man chose to keep watching, solely so he could share the eroticism of it, of watching this loving. He craved to make Anakin understand how beautiful, how cherished he was.

Well that said he had a decent start, at least, Anakin thought, and he licked again, the taste a sharp burst of salt-bitter that still somehow turned sweet (weirdest damned thing) in his mouth. Holding so still for him, he realized, and that made him lick yet again, and again. ~Want this,~ he murmured against his Master's mind, ~want to make you break for me like this.~ 

He didn't want to give up the control he had (that his Master wanted him to have), but... he half-wanted some guidance, here. He batted that consideration away, wrapped his lips carefully around the broad tip, feeling the slight drop of his jaw, going for it, but slowly. 

Those words shot so much love through the bond, as well as a sharper surge in need and want, before Obi-Wan couldn't resist closing his eyes and letting his head fall back. "Force, yes, Anakin!" he said in a choked voice. That was exquisite, and that it was Anakin, his beloved padawan, his brother made it all the more intoxicating. 

~Yes,~ Anakin agreed, exulting in the feel of his Master's mind given up to want, to need, and he worked at figuring this out, remembering the feel of this from the other side and emulating what his angel had done, changing the wrap of his hand to make the angle easier, want slicing through his chest and pounding along his pulse. Completely different than anything he'd done, and so, so good because it was Obi-Wan he was doing it for, giving this to. 

"Slow… easy," Obi-Wan cautioned. ~We stop if it bothers you,~ he managed to press against Anakin's mind, even as he exulted in feeling Anakin want to do this. He kept his hips from flexing, but he wanted to put his hands in Anakin's hair or on his shoulder. He did not, though, sticking to his surrender of control with his hands up above him.

~When have I _ever_ done anything 'slow and easy'?~ Anakin demanded, half-laughing across the bond, as he licked at the hot length in his mouth, the impossibly soft skin and blood-hot flesh under it, ~I want this. I want you. You can give suggestions, though.~ 

There. That would let him get Obi-Wan's expertise without giving over. 

~mmmmm.~ Obi-Wan hummed a little in his throat at Anakin's honesty, a smile touching his lips as he looked again at the younger man, heat flushing his skin to see that image. He conveyed the physicality of this act through the bond, the giving side of it, even as he was pretty certain Anakin was going to be the death of him through sheer pleasure in this moment.

Anakin let the information slide into his mind, into his muscles, and made himself not wonder at who else, when else -- he was the one here now, that was what mattered, that his Master was nearly shuddering under his mouth. He licked, sucked, and used the way of opening up his throat he'd just learned to slide down on him more. He had to pull back to breathe almost immediately, but that was just that, grab a breath and slide back down, tongue along the vein until he couldn't manage any more. He carefully shifted his right arm, warning, ~Might be cold~ before he put the base of his fingers against the sharp jut of his Master's hip, holding him. 

~Feels good… the contrast… knowing it as you, so distinct…~ Obi-Wan appreciated the warning, but more, the impression of restraint fanned the flames of his desires even hotter. The way Anakin was taking the knowledge shared and using it was driving him so far into pleasure, making it hard to be still without the aid.

Anakin made a quiet, startled noise at that, at the idea of his replaced hand being a good thing, something his Master could hold to, but... he could feel the effect his hand there was having, and if he hadn't been busy he'd have grinned. He let the sense of one was across the bond, and returned his full attention to seeing just how desperate and hungry he could make the man that was the other center of his world. It felt a little odd, still, but so very good, even when he momentarily went light-headed with forgetting to bother to breathe. 

~My heart,~ Obi-Wan sent, falling into Anakin's rhythm, giving way to sheer pleasure, until he knew he was on the edge of release. His hips were testing the restraint, trying to rise to the mouth with need. ~Anakin… please… ~ The sense of being so close, or wanting Anakin to choose to either stop or continue with that knowledge was there.

Anakin moaned, not soft, and shared knowledge had him drawing back until all that was still in his mouth was his lover's tip -- he wasn't interested in choking, in wrecking this -- before he said ~Yes, _yes_ ~ across their bond. 

With permission given, pleasure burned white-hot through every nerve as Obi-Wan's body gave way to release. Anakin's name was a prayer on his lips as his mind burned with loving devotion for the younger man.

~Yours.~

The burst of his master's pleasure pouring into his mouth was shockingly good, if enough that he was distracted by the need to swallow it down, drink him in, but it was the mental flare of love and the call of his name that had Anakin shaking, within a breath of shattering himself, braced over his hips. He let go of Obi-Wan's tip carefully, slowly, and tried to breathe more than just shallow little gasps. His mouth felt swollen and slick, hinge of his jaw aching just enough to tell him about it, and all he could taste was his Master, his lover. 

Obi-Wan was boneless, sprawled beneath him, little sounds of happiness in his throat. When he could manage coherent thought again, he smiled peacefully at his lover.

"May I touch you, my heart?" he asked softly, having kept his hands right where he'd put them at the beginning of it.

Anakin shuddered, the soft request and that his Master had stayed still both sending hot flares through him, and he was half sure he was going to break on being touched... but he wanted him so much. "Force, _yes_." 

Obi-Wan brought his hands down quickly, one going to Anakin's shoulder, and the other sliding between them. That one wrapped so surely around Anakin's length, finding just the right angle with ease. His touch was just gentle enough to not set Anakin off right away, allowing him to actually luxuriate in being touched, but Obi-Wan's stroking was meant to take the edge off sooner rather than later. 

~Good?~ he sent, to be certain this was what Anakin wanted while promising it was not all that was being offered.

Anakin gasped, shifting to get his hands on the bed instead of his Master, the broad, callused hand stroking over his cock so much more than 'good' that the touch had wrecked his ability to think for a moment. But he hadn't come at just the touch, so... that was good. ~So -- so much more than, love, I... oh, stars, Master, I...~

That encouraged Obi-Wan, as he concentrated with all of his focus on the task. His thumb traced texture, his wrist twisting just a slight bit, fingers staying in contact at all times. He was all but purring in the bond, letting Anakin know how much he enjoyed being able to make love with his former padawan, sharing that lazy content of his own body, as well as anticipation of Anakin's release.

Anakin whimpered softly, body moving mostly without his having any control over it, pushing into his Master's hand over and over again, lost in the bond and the contact. He couldn't last, not with that want for him sliding through his mind, and just a twist of his hips as Obi-Wan's hand moved so right had him shattering into mindless, boneless pleasure. 

~Yes. Mine… yours, Anakin.~ The elder man held him through it, hand on shoulder as an anchor, other clasped around his length to provide that needed contact, until Anakin collapsed against him. He negligently wiped his hand far to the side of his bed covers; they could be cleaned later. Then he got both his arms around his lover, humming lightly in pleasure at this union they had made.

Anakin burrowed against him, curling around and over his body, breathing shaky for a long minute, until he got enough sense back to nuzzle, to press a soft kiss to skin and touch the bond again. ~Love you. That... oh, that was good.~

That gained a small smile from his lover. ~Good. It is but a little of what we can have.~ Obi-Wan nuzzled and held on, eyes half-closed in lazy contentment for now.

~I know,~ Anakin agreed, soft, ~so much of you I haven't gotten to touch, after all. And so much you've wanted that you haven't had...~ He was content to stay like this for the moment, too blissed to do anything else, but... 

"We will make the time, my heart," Obi-Wan promised aloud, and in the bond. "I neglected you far too much, Anakin, and now… having this to share… I will show you how cherished you are."

Anakin shuddered, quiet whine deep in his throat, at those last words, and wriggled himself closer -- somehow -- to the solid heat and weight of his Master's body. The weight of that, of his Master's blatant love, wrapped him like a blanket and held him close, while 'please, yes' hummed at the back of his mind. 

They curled together, resting in the peace they had crafted, nowhere near fully sated, but willing to take their time, since they had it at the moment.

+++

He'd come too close. 

Finally alone in his quarters, with his men -- all of them that were left, and he was grateful that included his Captain and the others he held closest (he mourned each, but losing Hardcase or Coric or Fives and Echo would gut him) -- tended to as best he could, Snips sound asleep on Appo's uninjured side to keep him from being stupid, Anakin Skywalker sat completely still and faced the events of the battle a few hours ago. 

There'd been a startling number of sentients involved on the Separatist side, commanding and supporting both, from a race he only half-recognized but that were obviously only too happy to invade yet another Rim-Republic world. Maybe that was part of why... but why hardly mattered. What mattered was what he'd nearly done. He'd felt the satisfaction, almost glee, as Attie's squads triggered a trap, and he'd nearly lost himself in the fury. 

The Dark had sung to him like a lover, a friend, offering him strength and their deaths and salvation for his men, and Force help him but he'd _wanted_ it! 

He'd let it in for a moment, let his response open him to that, felt his hand close around a dozen throats at once, felt glee turn to terror -- and only his horror at himself, at that, had shocked him out of it and into stopping. He'd recovered himself, pulled himself back away from that all-encompassing cold that would leave him so empty, and finished the fight without falling into it again... 

But he'd come too close. _Again_. He didn't want it, he didn't want to be that angry, or that afraid of himself in the aftermath, but it kept happening. Why? 

Why, when he was so stable with Obi-Wan, with Padmé, and even with his padawan, did that rage still come to him so quickly, still threaten to tip him over into the cold, empty place that came from using the darker side of the Force?

What was so defective about him that he could not keep himself fully in the Light? How could he keep risking losing Obi-Wan's respect --

\-- wait.

Why was he still so convinced of that, when he'd tasted Obi-Wan's dreams, touched the memories of that desperate fight? He knew his Master had fought inside the shadows of the Dark Side. Why did his brain keep coming back to the idea Obi-Wan would cast him aside if he asked for help to deal with these lapses and temptations? He knew better. He **knew** better now. Obi-Wan wouldn't reject him, if there was one Jedi in the entire Order he _could_ trust with this, it was his own Master, his lover!

Was there an underlying cause? He closed his eyes, trying to center and examine his reactions. While he knew he had trauma surrounding Tatooine and then Geonosis, Obi-Wan had tried to make it clear that he knew he was the one in the wrong. Anakin also knew that his master was not as confident and sure of himself as Anakin had always believed. That, with the knowledge of those nightmares, should have been enough to let Anakin actually talk it all out.

Why hadn't he?

'You'll be expelled from the Order!' echoed in the back of his mind, and he shook himself. 

His Master had been half-mad then, feeling deaths and failure and pain like a shroud, they'd _talked_ about that, Obi-Wan regretted ever saying it, so much, he knew that. He needed to let that go, it wasn't -- it didn't matter anymore.

Why was he convinced it would lead to losing everything, despite evidence to the contrary?

There had to be a reason. Even if he didn't know what, there had to be a reason... he just had to find it. 

And if he found the reason for one, he would find the reason for the other. He was almost entirely certain of that. He breathed, making himself center, making his mind clear. Why was he so sure he could not approach his Master with this, with what hurt so badly? 

That same spectre raised its head again and Anakin hissed frustration -- that was behind them, it didn't matter, that wasn't a _reason_. A fear, yes, and yes, one that ripped at him... but it was no. longer. true, or valid. It should go. This he _could_ release into the Force. Could and should, and wanted to. It was crippling him, and unnecessarily. 

He was never good enough for the Jedi. Certainly Obi-Wan would bend to the Council, if this came to light in any fashion. That should be enough to steer clear of revealing -- 

\-- Anakin scowled more deeply than ever as he felt that objection rise. It made little to no sense, given that Obi-Wan, despite being on the Council, was flagrantly disobeying the current interpretation of the Jedi Code by investing in Anakin and Cody alike as sincere attachments.

Why, exactly, was his own mind being ridiculously illogical? Obi-Wan loved him, deep and true and real, heart and mind and body. Loved Cody, as well, differently but not any less intensely, and if anything, was planning on bracing the Council _beside_ him when they had half a chance, not standing with it in its idiotic intransigence! He knew that, had heard it from his Master's own mouth no less... so what had that foolishness even been?

He raked a hand through his hair, sinking deeper into the Force to search his own mind. 

He felt, for just a moment, like there was almost an oily sensation to his thoughts, something not quite fitting with the way he believed. A shadow slinking out of sight joined that impression, and Anakin felt his jaw ache with how tight he had clamped it.

Something was not right, and he was not going to stop until he had rooted it out. After, he would figure out why it existed.

+++

Obi-Wan tried to not appear as if he was frantic as he made his way to Anakin's quarters. A growing sense of worry combined with a black-out on his bond with Anakin had already had him moving to his personal fighter, as the 212th was not heavily tied down and were actually not due to a new campaign immediately.

Ahsoka's clipped, worried comm had added urgency, and he had been so glad they were not that far from the 501st.

Now, he keyed the security code to let himself in, uncertain what he would find, as the bond had been hazy, in and out on its strength, several times so far.

Anakin half-roused as the air and light changed, turning his head toward... his Master? He blinked, head tilting slightly, and tried to find the physical or mental strength to reach out. Neither wanted to respond, but he managed to murmur a relieved, "Master", even though Obi-Wan wasn't supposed to be anywhere near the _Resolute_... was he? 

"Oh Anakin." Obi-Wan hurried toward his former padawan, dropping down on the floor beside him to bring him close, regardless of his armor, his robes, any of it. He needed Anakin to be in his arms immediately, because there was a miasma of pain, betrayal, and fatigue clinging to the younger man. "What happened, my heart?"

Anakin managed to press tight against his lover's strong, solid body, to move enough to put his forehead against his Master's throat, relaxing at the fact he was safe now, safely held and not alone. "I -- the Dark was calling, again," he answered, "didn't let it have me, I _didn't_ , promise, but... Had to try to find why. 

"...found why." Tears he didn't have strength or energy for or to fight started to leak from his eyes again. 

Obi-Wan felt his breath catch at that admission, at the 'again', and flooded Anakin with grief that he'd ever known the call of it. He then kissed Anakin's forehead, making sure to keep them in as much contact as he could. 

"You need rest. And probably food. Definitely water," he said, falling back on care-taking. "I think you telling me is going to overtax what little reserves you have, until we do that. So, let me feed you, get you into bed, and then, after a nap, we'll talk? I let Cody know he would have command until I returned."

That grief and love, not anger or disgust, had Anakin pressing tighter yet, triumph flaring in his heart -- he _had_ known better than that filth, and he was right! -- as the hand closest to his Master tangled in his robes to cling to him. He leaned into the touch of his Master's mind on his -- he couldn't reach out, but he could accept and hold on. "I... yes. Wait. When did you get here? Why?"

"I was worried," Obi-Wan admitted. "As I wasn't tied down in combat, or even planning, I had started to make my way to my ship as I felt you black-out of our bond. Then our padawan commed and made it clear she was a step away from panic on the inside because it had affected her." He reached out toward the water bottle he could see, floating it into Anakin's hands before patting down his, and Anakin's, robes for any ration packets. "If I had been wrong, before she commed, you could have laughed at me. But once she had, I knew I needed to be here more than anywhere else."

"Snips?" Anakin asked, worried, before he occupied himself with the water, not worrying over why his Master was rummaging his pockets. Oh... oh, that was good, clear and cool, and he just drank and stayed where he was. Warm, so warm, finally, after so long wrestling with the cold. So he hadn't been wrong, his Master hadn't been supposed to be here... but he was. He was, and yes. Yes, he needed him. Needed him so much... 

"She'll be fine. She's already settled into command, distracting the men with some readiness drills, apparently," Obi-Wan said, finally producing one of the small snack pouches Cody was forever tucking in his pockets. "Eat this." He helped situate Anakin to make that task easier.

Anakin frowned, shaking his head slightly. Not at the food, he was willing enough to put the water bottle down -- emptied, anyway -- and work on chewing, but at that they were running drills when they'd just come off a fight. "...how long?" 

"It's been at least eight hours since you went… out, I suppose, of our bond. We weren't that far away," Obi-Wan told him. "But your distress communicated outward to your men, and there were a few discipline issues. Ahsoka said there was a very bad battle on the last campaign? It's likely a combination of being attuned to you and stress over their losses that she's trying to bleed off," he reasoned.

Eight hours... oh. Well. That explained how his Master had gotten here... and why he was so tired. " _Kriff_ ," he muttered, angry with himself for having dragged his men into even the edges of what he'd been fighting, of hurting them when they were already hurting _enough_ , "they -- " 

"Love you," Obi-Wan told him firmly, cutting that off. "They would rather join you in your pain than leave you to suffer alone. Now, eat all of that, and then I am putting you to bed. I will personally check on everyone while you sleep, and be back before you wake. Agreed?"

Anakin glared at him for a moment, worry about his men and padawan warring with his exhausted state... and exhaustion won. He nodded, relaxed his jaw, and went back to working through the snack. "I can -- probably -- put myself to bed," he pointed out, when there were only a couple of pieces left. 

"And deprive me of the chance to fuss over you as you have done at me?" Obi-Wan asked him, a faint smile touching his lips. "Let me see you to bed, my heart, and then I will make the rounds." He extricated himself slowly, and helped Anakin to his feet, steadying him when he swayed a little.

He had to admit, his Master had a point, there. "Since you want to," he replied... and then upright definitely proved that he was not likely, actually, to be able to get himself to bed. And Anakin sighed, leaning against his Master's strength, his eyes closing. "I don't _get_ vertigo," he muttered irritably, before letting Obi-Wan handle all of the logistics that weren't just putting one foot in front of the other until he could drop onto the bed.

"You're Force drained. I think it's excusable," Obi-Wan said, guiding him and managing to get him stripped to leggings and inner tunic in short order. Once he had Anakin flat and under a sheet, he straightened. "Do you need a compulsion to sleep?"

Anakin flinched, violently, every shield he had trying and failing to come up, before he could control the reaction and get hold of his Master's fingers, trying to push his regret across the contact. It wasn't Obi-Wan's fault, was nothing his lover had done that had him reacting so badly, trying to panic. And after that... "Think you're going to have to," he murmured, looking up at him. 

That flinch and reaction made Obi-Wan hesitate before he flicked his fingers through Anakin's hair, settling it back from his face. "I love you, Anakin. You're safe. I'm here," he reassured, before settling his own Force presence to a true calm. "Sleep," he urged softly.

Anakin managed to smile up at him at the touch, at those words -- he knew that, he knew he was safe, now -- and he nodded, his defenses down so that it was nothing but easy for his Master to encourage him down into sleep. 

Obi-Wan waited until Anakin was truly, completely under, then left the quarters to go check on everyone, just as he had promised, while still burning with curiosity.

What had put Anakin in such a state?

+++

He hadn't dreamed, Anakin realized as his eyes opened without a rush of adrenaline accompanying it, without the echo of screams in his psyche or the ghost-touch of blood on his hands and across his face. He... hadn't dreamed. He'd just slept. Probably for a while, if the fact that his right arm was asleep from the shoulder to mid-bicep where it joined the prosthetic was any clue. He also felt like something had died in his mouth, and he needed to get to the 'fresher. The last thing he remembered was asking Obi-Wan to put him out, and it had obviously worked. But his Master had promised he'd be back before he woke, where...? 

There. Drowsing on the small couch in his quarters, fully in sight. Okay. Okay. Obi-Wan was right there, which meant everything on the ship was okay. He moved, slithering out of the bed, intending a trip to the 'fresher and grabbing a drink, and then he was going to get Obi-Wan to come to bed -- because he wasn't going to be able to talk about this without his Master holding him. 

Obi-Wan cracked an eye open, saw that Anakin was moving, and sat up slowly. He ran a hand over his face and through his hair, before stretching fitfully. "How are you, Anakin?"

"Better than when you got here?" Anakin offered, shoulders shrugging slightly. "Vaguely human, possibly?" he added as he continued towards the 'fresher, then looked back towards his lover, taking a slow breath. "Can you... lose most of that? I -- " 

Obi-Wan nodded. "I'll be waiting for you in bed, my heart." He started disrobing, having already lost the boots. "Go clean up and get a drink."

Relief poured through him, wild and unchecked, smile breaking over his lips at how well his Master knew him, at that he hadn't had to even ask for Obi-Wan to understand what he needed, and he went to do just that. 

He came back out shortly, feeling much better physically, and crossed the distance to the bed quickly. He let the tunic fall before he crawled back in, well aware that he needed as much skin-contact as he could get, if he was going to actually get this out. He went, deliberately, for the side closest to the wall -- despite needing to go over Obi-Wan to do so -- letting himself have the comfort of his Master's body between him and the entire rest of the world. Obi-Wan was always so warm, so solid, and he sighed in a moment's quiet, complete contentment as he curled himself against and around his lover. "I didn't mean to worry you," he said softly. "I was just... trying to get myself under control. 

"It turned into something... very different." 

"So I've surmised. Ahsoka said she felt things go… odd, and she shielded, but the men started being worse than normal in the aftermath of so many losses," Obi-Wan said gently. "I hate that you were pushed so far in your control, that you even know the temptation I glimpsed in your earlier words, Anakin. But I am curious what you found that shattered you so badly." He cradled his lover close, petting gently along skin and hair to keep him calm.

Anakin flinched at the reminder that his fight had impacted the men he was supposed to lead and protect, but... there was no censure in his Master's words. There _should_ be, probably, but he was grateful there wasn't. The rest of the words made him duck his head tighter against Obi-Wan's solid shoulder, made his arm tighten across his chest. He considered just answering that last half-question, starting from the worst of it and working backwards for a few moments, humming to himself. "That's the 'really awful, galaxy-shaking, we're-all-kriffed and I have no idea what to do about it' part of things... can I work my way there, or do you want that part first?" 

"Well, now I am rather terrified for us all, but I want you to do this the way that is going to work best for you," Obi-Wan answered that. "Go lightly, Anakin, and try not to delve too much on the emotions."

Anakin nodded, his mouth quirking just a little, his fingers settled on his lover's skin, head buried against his shoulder, and -- for the first time since this war started, for the first time in far longer than that -- feeling free. 

"I... think I can manage that, now," he agreed, soft. "I wouldn't have been able to, before. I -- that last fight, yesterday, the day before? -- there were living Separatists, a bunch of them, and they were so gleeful about one of their traps working, my men dying. I could feel it, and then... then all I could feel was rage, and burning cold, and," he bit at his lip, swallowed against the memory, and made himself go on, "and their throats in my hands. I didn't kill them that way! I realized, I let them go, but it..." 

"Would have been terrifying to slip that far in control, yes," Obi-Wan said softly, reassuring him. "And I know you didn't do it, that you stopped yourself. You're strong, Anakin, even if you do run to a temper that's hotter than mine."

Anakin laughed for a moment, low and darkly amused, lifting his head long enough to brush a kiss along his Master's jaw. "For most of our lives," he told him quietly, "I'd have sworn you didn't _have_ a temper." That faith soaked into him, soaked into places his heart was broken and soothed some of the pain, even while he knew exactly how much he didn't deserve it. "Yeah... it was... pretty frightening. Especially because I should be more stable now than I've been in ages. I mean, I've got you, I've got Padmé, Ahsoka is the best padawan I could ask for and she needs me -- and it _still_ comes back so easy?" 

"That is concerning." Obi-Wan ran a thumb over Anakin's cheekbone, his palm along the cheek. "Other than a few very desperate moments in the time since losing my master to Maul, I've rarely been tempted outside of my nightmares." He didn't want to derail Anakin by asking when this had begun, but he made note to ask it later, once they were safely past this. 

"That's sort of what _I_ thought," Anakin agreed, leaning into his touch, quietly relieved hum deep in his throat. He had his Master's support, his lover's care, the way he'd known he would. "So... I tried meditating -- yeah, yeah, it's a good thing you're already lying down so you can't fall over, I know." 

That got a snort, and a smile, before Obi-Wan leaned in and kissed him. "Who knew that personal crises were good for personal growth?" he asked in a completely innocent, bland tone.

Anakin laughed for a moment, exactly the way his Master had meant him to, the way he'd been angling towards when he broke the conversation (confession?) with that aside, and kissed him again, before sighing softly. "I was trying to sort out what was going on, and -- I kept having the _stupidest_ thoughts. Things I used to believe, but that I know aren't true now... things that never were true. 

"Something in me, that I thought **was** me, was still convinced you'd," he grabbed for the word he needed, the official one, and forced it out of his lips, "repudiate me, if you knew. That you'd -- " 

Obi-Wan got both hands around Anakin's face and pulled him in for a long, deep kiss. ~Never. I've been wrong-headed and stubborn with you, but no! If for any reason you were to leave the Order, by choice or pushed, I will be there with you!~

Anakin reeled at the pure passion in his Master's mental voice, in the kiss that demanded and soothed all at once, at the intensity of the love that wrapped into and through him, and he clung for a long moment. He couldn't do anything but keep that kiss, encourage it, lean into the hands on his jaw and be held, his thoughts scattered like flower petals in the wind before he could start trying to focus again. The idea that his beloved Master, who had given his entire life to the Order, could even think those words, let alone feel so certain in them -- that was almost more than he could stand. ~I... oh, _Master_. I love you, I love you so much. I -- I knew it wasn't true. I knew that wasn't real any longer, if it ever was, but it was still _there_.~ 

The kiss lingered a bit more, then Obi-Wan pulled back to look at Anakin. "What did you find, that was making it still so real for you?"

Anakin shuddered at the question, at the memory, and looked into his Master's eyes. "This... oily-slick sheen over parts of my thoughts, a shadow trying to slip out of sight, an influence on me, one so subtle, so old, it was almost invisible -- even once I knew it was there, it was so hard to find, to catch." 

His laughter was bitter for a moment. "...'an' influence, I said, **ha**! Well, maybe, because it all had the same source? But there must have been a thousand of them. That's why I lost so much time, there was so much to find..." 

Obi-Wan ran a hand over Anakin's hair, concern present in the bond, but patience too. "You said old. Dooku was never in the Temple when you were young. Do we have a traitor in our midst, sabotaging you, Anakin?"

"In the Order? Not that I _know_ of, though I'm very suspicious of basically everyone older than you," Anakin answered, only aware it was true when he said it. "Among us, though? Oh, yes, Master. We do." 

"I have individual issues with several people, but I'm relieved to hear none are known to you as traitors," Obi-Wan said, and he meant it. Council decisions of late had been strained, with him abstaining or arguing strenuously against certain actions. "Do you know who did this to you, then?"

Anakin nodded, rough and shaky, and pinned his Master to the bed desperately, clinging to him as the betrayal and pain he'd been holding at bay clawed their way to the surface again. He swallowed once, twice, trying to get it under control, trying to find the words for the horror he'd found within his own mind. "I know," he said aloud. "I -- oh, Master, it -- the other Sith, Dooku's Master, he's -- " 

Force take it, he _had_ to say it sometime, had to make it real, "He's the Chancellor, Master." 

All of the blood seemed to drain from Obi-Wan, along with his will to breathe in that moment. That was simply impossible. They had all been in the man's presence. How could he be hiding so much Darkness? Worse, Obi-Wan had let Anakin be in the man's company so much through childhood; how much damage had been done to his beloved?

"Force, no," he whispered.

"Shh," Anakin murmured, his arms wrapping around his Master, trying to get close enough to pull the pain out of him, crooning low under his breath, his lover's thoughts so obvious to him right now that he couldn't help knowing them, "shh, shh -- I'm going to be all right, I am, he tried too hard to poison me against _you_ ; I'm going to be okay." 

"Against me?" Obi-Wan's quick mind pulled up that growing hostility in his padawan, the way they had deteriorated as a training pair… almost from the moment Obi-Wan had realized his quandary over his beautiful Anakin. "I had… honestly… decided that it was my fault, that we lost our ability to communicate. Because I was fighting so hard to do away with my inappropriate interest in you as a man," he admitted. 

Anakin shook his head, shifting his weight to keep his Master held tight. "No, no -- well, okay, that probably didn't help," he had to admit after a second, half a sigh. "I didn't deal well with you keeping me distant," that was only about the understatement of a decade or so, "but... it was not just you. We had a lot of -- encouragement -- to slowly shred apart. For me to second-guess you, doubt you, resent the ways we don't understand each other... 

"And then. Then there was Mom, and Geonosis, and I was _so_ screwed up, and he made certain I'd be too terrified to ever tell you, ever ask for your help." 

Obi-Wan brought his forehead to Anakin's. "I am yours, Anakin. No matter what you faced, no matter the steps you may have taken… you're here with me now, in the Light. That you are is all I need to always be there for you."

Anakin smiled at the press and shifted his head just enough to tap his forehead to his Master's, affectionate move he'd watched between the men a thousand times, before he settled back down on his lover's shoulder. "I know. I _know_ , Master," he wrapped his faith in that, his love and trust and surety, around Obi-Wan, half-exulting in the safety that was. "And... I do still need help. It -- I must have started having the nightmares only a couple of days after she was taken, from what the man that had bought and freed her said." 

Obi-Wan settled, holding Anakin close as he told the experience, hating all over again that in his insecurities with Anakin he had allowed such a tragedy come to pass. It was one of his worst mistakes with the younger man.

Anakin only said what he had to about the search, about seeing Watto again, leaving Padmé with the Lars family to search for his mother... "It. It wasn't hard to get into the camp, even if it was a big one. And their huts're no match for a lightsaber. Mom. Mom was. She was conscious, I don't know _how_ , but... so weak." He didn't mean to, but he knew the moment the image of his mother's beaten, battered body flashed across the link between them. 

"So weak, and she smiled at me..." 

Obi-Wan felt all his shame well up again. What point was there to serving the galaxy if they kept hurting their own, by not even taking care of the ones that had nurtured them?

Qui-Gon never would have left her alone to be hurt like that. 

"I'm so sorry, Anakin."

Anakin nuzzled against him, coiling around his lover, holding his Master against his body. Somehow, that guilt and shame, that Obi-Wan was so sorry, was... it made his own chest hurt, but it made him relax, too. "She -- she talked to me, a little, but I wasn't, I couldn't heal her, she was so weak I didn't have anything to work with -- she just.... stopped, and... it hurt. It hurt more than anything I've ever known, I felt so numb it was like being frozen, and then... I had to hurt them. I just... wanted everything dead... So I did it."

"You killed what had killed a piece of you," Obi-Wan said softly. "With the ease of giving in to anger and pain… oh my heart, I am so sorry I left you vulnerable to that," he told Anakin with deep emotions in his voice.

Anakin leaned into him, nodding, his breath shaking in his throat. He'd -- he'd told Obi-Wan. 

He'd told Obi-Wan, and it was still... he was still holding him, whispering sorrow and remorse and understanding across the bond. "It... it was so _easy_ , Master. I felt so strong, like I could do anything, like the galaxy itself would bend for me, even though I barely remember the details... and until there was nothing left, nothing hurt. But after. After, Force, I _hated_ myself, what I'd done, what..." 

"With a lingering temptation, every time things went awry, to call on that power, and just force the universe to your will?" Obi-Wan asked calmly. "To violently remove anyone who dared oppose you?"

Anakin nodded, swallowing against the memory, against how often exactly that had happened, how hard it could be to resist it... "Yes," he murmured, the understanding in his Master's voice so steadying, telling him he wasn't all alone with it, that he wasn't past saving, "that... that exactly..." 

"I have to hold the sense memory close," Obi-Wan said. "The reek of his blood, because I struck so fast and hard that nothing cauterized. The sickening sound of the two parts falling apart from one another. And there's the fact that it didn't solve anything. I was still too late to save Qui-Gon. 

"He was alive, Anakin, through my fight with Maul. He only had enough energy to tell me to watch over you… and then he died, in my arms."

"Oh... oh, _Master_ ," Anakin felt his heart break for his Master, and he clung tight, nuzzling against him, trying to wrap him in his love, his affection and faith, how much he hurt for him... 

Obi-Wan squeezed gently, then continued. "I keep all of those memories at the front of my mind, when the situation gets terrible. I don't want to repeat them, and I don't want to follow that path again. So far, it's been an effective shield."

Anakin nodded understanding, breathing slowly, and buried his forehead against his Master's throat again, letting his love and support sink in, letting that Obi-Wan knew this and knew how to resist it give him hope, strengthen him a little more. "That makes sense. You're... not the only one that was a little crazy, on Geonosis. I had all of that running through me -- sickened by it, terrified of losing you, willing to do anything to keep you and Padmé safe... no wonder Dooku got the better of me, I guess." 

"Hmm, possibly. Though I feel, having faced him several times since then, he was toying with us both that day," Obi-Wan said grimly. "And now, to know who his master is, I am even more confused by his position. Why would he apprentice himself to a younger man, in a new path, when by all accounts, he was always haughty and angry over the slaughter of the True Mandalorians?

"His actions have been nothing but slaughter, since this all began. The Dark Side is not supposed to be more powerful than the Light, yet… it seems to override all reason and sense of morality, from my own brush, and from watching him."

Anakin had to nod, taking a slow breath, leaning against his Master, frowning as he considered that. He hadn't really thought about the Chancellor being younger -- they were both so much older than he was that it was hard to judge -- but... why _would_ he follow someone younger? "...I don't know, Master. Is there someone that might be able to decipher his motives? 

"And I also wonder... if he has any idea what his Master's been doing with me, all these years." 

"I can bring it to Master Yoda, I suppose… and let him talk to Madame Nu," Obi-Wan said with a wrinkled brow. He never had warmed to her, having been so much in Tahl's company as a boy. "As to the latter… that is a question, my heart." He then stroked a hand down Anakin's back, reassuring him as best he could that they could move forward.

Anakin leaned back into the hand sliding down his spine, staying tucked against him and breathing slow and steady. "Is, isn't it? And..." 

The mention of Yoda had flashed up all of his old fear and resentment, mingled with fresh, because if _he_ knew what he'd done, they'd -- 

"Anakin," Obi-Wan gently chided. "I have you safe, my heart. You do not need that fear. We are together, no matter what."

Anakin shivered at the tone, at the mix of love and chiding and steadying reassurance, and pressed his cheek against his Master's shoulder. "You have me," he agreed, quiet and whole-hearted, "but... telling the Council how I know?" 

"You won't have to." Obi-Wan kissed his brow. "I will tell them, and it will be evident in the Force, and if pressed… I will say I found the manipulations in your mind because of the incident you helped me overcome via our old training bond. That will suffice."

Anakin blinked, startled, and lifted his head to kiss Obi-Wan properly, if slowly and gently. That idea, that Obi-Wan would protect him in that fashion, would actually deliberately lie for him... ~I don't deserve you, Master...~ 

Obi-Wan kissed him back, slow and loving. ~It is in the greater good to protect you. But… selfishly, I need to protect you, Anakin.~

Anakin hummed softly at the kiss, pushing into it, clinging tighter to him, touched beyond reason by the admission, by Obi-Wan's love for him. ~...I feel like I should argue with you, or something, but... I can't. I don't want to change your mind, so. So I'm just going to say thank you, and okay.~ 

When the kiss finally came to an end, Obi-Wan let himself just soak in that he had taken the final steps into a path that was not quite the Jedi way he had espoused as a boy. He was at peace with that, even as his mind turned over all the ways this would need to stay cloaked for now, as change was in order.

"We need to plan for how to undo him," he finally said. "The Chancellor. But carefully. I don't think we've glimpsed the fullness of the plan. Turning you to his side had to be only a part of it."

"I'm good," Anakin agreed, nestling back down against him, head on shoulder, "but I'm not quite good enough to deal with the entire Order, which has to be his real goal... so, yeah. We have to figure out how to get him to incriminate himself, or get enough seriously incriminating evidence. But... right now, can you just... distract me, for a little while?" 

That won Anakin a sly smile, before Obi-Wan gently pushed him over on his back, rising up over him. "I think I can handle that task quite well, my heart." To show his commitment to that task, he started kissing along Anakin's jaw, down his throat, and out along a shoulder, quick little nibbles and licks in the kisses that pulled gently without marking the skin.

Anakin mewled, arching up into the kisses, hands sliding to get hold of his Master and keep him close. He relaxed under the touch, under his lover's kiss, his mind coming away from the sheer weight of betrayal and horror in favor of the love wrapped around him and the weight of his body. It was still going to be there, later, waiting for him, but he could escape it for now. "Love you," he said, soft -- while he could still manage speaking. 

"I know," Obi-Wan answered him, while throwing all of his love down the bond, to hold Anakin tighter to his soul, as he drove Anakin into distraction with desire.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Stoking the Hearth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11228769) by [ilyena_sylph](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilyena_sylph/pseuds/ilyena_sylph), [Merfilly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merfilly/pseuds/Merfilly)




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